come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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