Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
