Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
