You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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