kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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