I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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