Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
