if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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