Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
