I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
