ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
