I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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