So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
