Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
