I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
