so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
