You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
