Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
