He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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