i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
