Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
