Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
