Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
