The maid of honor just puked.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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