Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
