What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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