I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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