i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
