Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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