it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
