over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
