Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
