pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
