just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
