Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
