You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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