HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
