i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
