i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
