I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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