I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
