Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
