I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
