remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
