yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
