ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
