I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
