Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
