He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
