"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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