you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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