I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
