I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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