i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
