I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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