i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
