You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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